Glasgow Kisses | Glasgow Drivers

The Glasgow Kiss

There's a good reason why head-butting someone is known as giving them a "Glasgow Kiss". Glaswegians like a good fight.

I'm in the queue at the BP petrol station on Great Western Road, Glasgow. One of the women shop assistants thrusts the front page of a tabloid newpaper at the other and says - with outright indignation - "whit man doesnay get a black eye at the weekend?!"

I want to meet the men in her life. No, really, I like a man who knows how to fight. Well, I guess I'll recognise them about town what with their bruised faces and knuckles n'all.

... meanwhile, behind a steering wheel ...

Get these same fighting men in any kind of vehicle and they become, like most other Glaswegian drivers, politeness personified.

If you're driving around Glasgow you'll notice hazard lights flashing at the vehicles behind them as well as headlights flashed by oncoming vehicles. It's like an illuminated carnival of civility. Little flashes of bright white and orange lights in the grey rain.

Let a car out into the traffic and you're sure to get a flash of its hazard warning lights as a "thank you". Or if you are trying to get into the traffic flow and someone flashes their headlights at you it means they will let you out and the other direction is clear for you to go.

You should then flash your hazards to say "thank you for your thoughtfulness - for stopping in your journey through life and the city to consider me, a stranger, footer about with your headlights and allow me to continue my journey, not just more quickly but with a warm glow in my breast over your galant kindness".

If you are driving along and suddenly an oncoming vehicle flashes its headlights at you it means, "be aware there is something going on ahead and slow down". It may be a hidden speed camera, an accident, a child cycling on the road, anything at all.

So when you see headlights flashing at you, slow down. The driver who flashed at you may have saved your life or a speeding ticket.

While all this addition driving activity: fiddling about with your headlight lever and hazard warning lights button can be a bit of a nuisance really, and is not mentioned anywhere in the Highway Code, it is very rewarding for everyone. Who knew driving in a city could be spiritually-uplifting?

The photo of the double-decker bus above was taken right after I let it out from behind two other buses and the bus driver flashed his hazards at me. Aww! You can kind of see his red stop lights on. I get special pleasure from letting buses out since the drivers must be in such a bad mood dealing with all the fights on the bus yet they still manage to say "thank you!".